Amber Marchese's Blog: Why Hearing Two Women's 'Difficult and Emotional' Cancer Stories Might 'Save Your Life'

staff@people.com (Amber Marchese)

March 16, 2016

Amber Marchese, star of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, is blogging about her second battle with cancer for PEOPLE. After surviving breast cancer in 2009, she discovered a lump, which turned out to be cancerous, in her right breast in April. Marchese will share updates on her treatment and how she is coping with this second round of the deadly disease with prayer, a positive outlook and the help of her family.

Hello my brothers and sisters! I hope everyone is living their beautiful life with joy, happiness and good health. The Marchese house is in full gear and super busy. Before I update you all on my treatments, I wanted to share the happy moments and a few accomplishments for which I am very proud. Jim and I pride ourselves in being parents and putting 100 percent into our children. They are our miracles and we want to make sure they experience life to their fullest potential. As parents, we sacrifice much to see our children prosper and our greatest joy is witnessing their success.

Both Michael and Sebastian received high honors again at school. Sebastian has a very strong finish in his first season on the swim team and is working hard at rehearsals for his school play. He has one of the leading roles for Charlie Brown, even a little singer part this time. Sebastian was also elected out of honor of his academic achievement and leadership ability to go to the "Junior National Young Leaders Conference." Only two students, one boy and one girl, are asked to represent their school in Washington D.C. This is such a huge honor and we cannot wait for Sebastian to experience the fruits of his labor. Michael also wrapped up an amazing performance in his school play for Pegasus Theatre in Sherlock Holmes and the case of the Lily. It is not very common for a freshman to have a role, but he did. More importantly, he knocked it out of the park.

Michael is also in the Theologian society and was elected to enroll in the fast track program in math for his outstanding grades. They are both really flying high and we could not be more proud. Corbin is also doing really well in second grade. Corbin decided to take what he is learning in science class to a whole new level. He started a group called "Bring the Belemnite" group. His idea is to extract DNA from a belemnite fossil, which is, a 409 million year-old prehistoric squid, then inject it into the uterus of a living squid. He hypothesizes that he can bring the belemnites back to life by intermingling DNA. If you see a 200-ft. long prehistoric squid in the oceans, I am apologizing up front. I laugh, but the amazing science teacher at his school is helping them learn how to extract DNA from a strawberry and is in the process of ordering a squid, so this might very well happen. Move over Jurassic Park, here comes the second grade. I will keep you informed. As far as Isabella, she is working hard in school and rides horses English style twice a week with an amazing trainer. Horse are her passion and she is a natural. In fact, she was asked to be a part of the pre-team at her gymnastics, but has instead decided to dedicate her time solely to riding.

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As for me, I am keeping busy with all the kids' activities. It has been a longstanding tradition for the kids' school to put on a lip syncing concert. I volunteer every year to choreographed, coordinated, and teach the routine. Corbin is too cool for school, so he does not participate. This allows me to concentrate on Isabella's first grade class. I named this number, "The Evolution of American Music." I incorporated 1950s (Jersey Boys, 1960s ( Aretha Franklin), 1980s ( Cyndi Lauper), 1990s (Vanilla Ice) and 2000s (of course, the Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) for today's hit). It was so much fun and the kids were adorable. I wish you were all there to see it. I don't share this with all of you to brag, well a little bit, but I mostly share this with you because the one job that I know for sure that Jim and I put every ounce of energy into is parenting. We see amazing things happening for our children. I cannot wait to see what these kids do for their futures. They make me so happy, proud and complete. I hope everyone reading this takes as much pride and joy in raising their children. Every moment invested is worth years of joy. Believe me, you never know what is around the corner, so appreciate them.

On a daily basis, I feel extraordinarily blessed to be able to share my story and help other people that may be going through cancer. I also understand that it is a huge responsibility that I took on in the public eye, however, one that is very gratifying. However, because I am very public about my journey, I have to be ready and willing to hear other's stories. This can be a very difficult and emotional task for me sometimes. I try to speak with anyone that needs me. Some stories are great stories of triumph; some are harder stories to hear filled with pain and loss. What I have learned from this experience is that even though there are statistics defining the odds in breast cancer, sometimes a story just defies all odds. Some stories just flat out are astonishing and really stick out in my mind. I wanted to share two particular stories that I have recently heard. These stories could potential save your life if, God forbid, you are in this situation. I am referring to being diagnoses with DCIS, Ductal Carcinoma in Situ.

DCIS is the most common type of non-invasive breast cancer. Ductal means that the cancer starts inside the milk ducts, carcinoma refers to any cancer that begins in the skin or other tissues (including breast tissue) that cover or line the internal organs, and in situ means "in its original place." DCIS is called "non-invasive" because it hasn't spread beyond the milk duct into any normal surrounding breast tissue. DCIS isn't life-threatening, but having DCIS can increase the risk of developing an invasive breast cancer later on.

DCIS is considered to be stage 0, precancerous, in the grading scale of stage 0–4. When I was first diagnosed, I prayed for stage 0, but unfortunately mine was not. However, with all things, situations can sometimes be a blessing and sometimes can be a curse. Being in the front row seat to hear 1000s of stories of breast cancer, unfortunately, the two that I decided to tell you all about are common place. Even in this day and age you have that occasional doctor that does not properly treat recently diagnosed women with breast cancer. It amazes me with all the "awareness and treatment options" there are thousands who are mistreated costing significant heartache and sometimes their lives. DCIS is no exception and should be handled properly right from the start to give a women the best possible outcome she is supposed to have.

One such story was of a woman in her late 40s who I met while getting radiation this past summer. She was originally diagnosed with DCIS a year prior. She received ONLY a lumpectomy. She did not receive scans, did not have radiation, did not have any follow up. She simply had surgery and received no further treatment. In my opinion this is a big mistake, as DCIS turns into breast cancer about 10 percent of the time when not treated properly. One year later, she started to get debilitating headaches. Her primary physician gave her allergy medicine, but her symptoms did not abate. This continued on for a month, but the pain never did subside. Her doctor finally sent her in for an MRI and sure enough, breast cancer had spread to her brain. Further studies showed that she had breast cancer in her other breasts, lymph nodes, and bones. She was never "just" DCIS. She had multifollicular disease much like my original diagnosis. That means she had multiple small tumors. Her doctor did not treat correctly from the beginning and tragically she did not get a second opinion or push for scan. The last time I saw her she was receiving radiation of her brain. I think her often and the awful job her doctors did to save this women's life. There gross failure of thorough medical attention she received cost her, I pray for her all of the time. And think of her as a cautionary tale for all those who fail to get a second opinion.

My next story is slightly different, but equally as troubling. I met her through RHONJ and we talk from time to time. She told me her story, she sought treatment because of discharge and pain from her nipple area of her right breast. She was ultimately diagnosed with DCIS, but ONLY was referred to a breast surgeon for a double mastectomy. The surgeon begrudgingly performed the operation feeling she only needed a lumpectomy and failed to include an oncologist. This doctor did not have her see an oncologist, did not send her for further scans, and did not do ANYTHING in addition to performing a double mastectomy. The breast surgeon pushed for a new procedure named "nipple sparring mastectomy" despite the nipple pain and discharge. As stated, the nipple pain was the originally reason she sought treatment for the DCIS. Fast forward three years, and this young mommy of two began having discharge, pain, AND skin irritation again! She went back to the originally breast surgeon who dismissed it as "nothing" and told her to put Neosporin on the "skin rash". Her breast discomfort did not subside, so she went back again. She was crying and pleading for the doctor to do something and instead of making her feel comfortable and safe, the surgeon arrogantly yelled at her making her feel stupid for even staying anything. She did, however, with a condescending attitude order her a "punch out biopsy."

A punch biopsy takes a small section of the area for examination. It does not look at the entire breast. It came back negative; however, the discharge and pain continued. This bright young lady, not satisfied with the doctors blatant mistreatment of her, arranged for a second option. It was a breast surgeon that was close to their family who examined the original report. Rightly so, she suggested another biopsy that sure enough came back as DCIS, again! This poor woman was in the same exact spot she was four years earlier, but this time, much worse. She had no idea how far the disease progressed. This young mommy reached out to me, as well. I normally do not interject my opinions on individual cases, however, in this particular case I saw so many red flags. In the least, the doctors disgusting and deplorable bedside manners should make anyone run for the hills to see a new doctor.

I recommended seeing an oncologist. They specialize in cancer diagnosis and treatment, most surgeons see a variety of issues and are not tuned into the subtleties of DCIS.

My recommendations are: First, and foremost, if a doctor yells at you, or belittles you, makes you feel stupid for asking, walk out of the room and never talk to that doctor again. This is an emotional time. You will understand probably only 80 percent of your case, and 0 percent as to why this is happening to you. You need a doctor that will explain and make you feel safe and comfortable with your plan of attack on saving your life. Secondly, a breast surgeon should not be making all of your oncological decisions. If you meet a doctor that is arrogant enough to say that his/her medical opinions is gospel, again, walk out the door. Even my extremely well respected doctor, who literally teaches protocols to other doctors, told me to sit down with other doctors besides himself. Not that he is unsure of himself, but wants me to hear other opinions to feel good about my decisions that I make for my health.

He literally wrote down on a piece of paper several doctors for me to visit before I made my final decision. This included other oncologist, radiologists, breast surgeons and plastic surgeons. Furthermore, my case was discussed at board meetings. NOT because I am special, but that is how it works, there are a checks and balances and a good doctor knows to hear all available treatment plans before offering one to their patient. This was a huge penalty foul on this doctor, and honestly, one that makes me sick to my stomach of complete arrogance and lack of empathy for her patient.

As for me, I am six months into to my treatments and feeling great. Jim and I work out five days a week and hopefully soon I will be back in the saddle and moving my TV career forward. Jim and I are starting FIRETALK were you can ask us questions live on so many different subjects. Look for us.

And, finally, I will leave you with this. We recently lost very special woman recently, Angela "Big Ang" Raiola. I had the pleasure of meeting her once before and she was truly had a powerful, larger than life, personality. It is clear that Angela set out to live her life to the fullest. She intuitively knew that life is short and very uncertain, so, the best way to live our lives is with joy. She had lot wisdom when it came to this. I feel that is how we say thank God for our lives and the blessings that he gives us. Just be happy. What is to come will come, so we must live for now with love, peace, and joy. Let it beam like a light from within you. Say hello to everyone that walks by you. Know everyone that you see on a regular basis by first name and acknowledge them. Take the time to ask how someone is doing. Think outside of yourself because "yourself" is nothing but an illusion. We are all one, coming from the same source.

"Not only must you rejoice, but your joy must be made manifest, known unto all men. A candle must not be set under a bushel, but on a candlestick, that it may give light to all who are in the house. So trust, so conquer, so joy. Love colors the way.

"Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34

God bless! I would love to hear from you! Please comment below or Let me know your thoughts through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or email.