5 Mistakes That Too Many Men Make After a Bad Breakup

July 13, 2016

Even when a breakup is necessary — because sometimes it gets to the point when it is beneficial for both parties to go their separate ways — it is still incredibly hard. We’ve all been there. We’ve all stayed in relationships for too long to the point where someone, even if it wasn’t you, had to end it. We leave ourselves open to rejection when we enter relationships, during, and if it unfortunately ends.

And a lot of feel that rejection at some point: 85% of relationships end in a breakup, and of those 15% that survive, only those of elite status end in marriage. Although the statistic is depressing and true, the hunt for your long-term love should still be met with hope, and perhaps with understanding that this statistic proves that you are not alone in your relationship woe’s.

You can, however, try and lessen the blow of your breakup by heeding to these common mistakes that guys make after splitting with their significant other.

1. Wallowing

A sad man after a bad breakup | Source: Thinkstock

Questioning what went wrong and how it could have been different if you had done this and not that is a waste of time. The fact is, things happened the way that they happened, and wallowing will only make it harder to get over the breakup. To deal with breakups, many of us escape to sad music and movies that elicit sadness and loss. Lest we forget that going through a breakup is like experiencing a death, with the brains of people having experienced death and a breakup to be similar. Loss is loss. We feel bad for ourselves and our broken heart. Try and make a conscious decision not to wallow.

2. Wanting to be friends with your ex

A couple who is fighting | Source: Thinkstock

Asking if it’s OK to be friends is not a great idea after having your heart broken. It’s also a slippery slope if the wounds are still fresh. It instills false hope of getting back together. It’s best to cut off communication for the time being until you feel strong enough to be around your ex without the strong pull of residual feelings — seeing them before you’re ready will only worsen the pain.

3. Cyber-Stalking

A man on the computer | Source: Thinkstock

Although Facebook stalking is on its way out — because there are apps that can actually tell you if someone has looked at your profile — Instagram is a newer way to cyber-stalk, that is if the person’s account is not private and you don’t accidentally like any of their pictures from 48 weeks ago. This is something everyone has been guilty of, mostly because it’s easy to do. Looking at old pictures on your phone and daydreaming of a time when you were happy and together is a masochistic tendency most of us have. Give yourself a break from looking.

According to the Proceeding of the National Academy of Sciences, going through a breakup and seeing pictures of your ex triggers a similar neural overlap between social rejection and physical pain. Meaning that looking at pictures of your ex recruits brain regions involved in affective and sensory components of physical pain. Ouch, literally.

4. Sleeping with other people

A couple flirting | Source: iStock

Going through a breakup can be a huge ego blow and sleeping with other people may seem like a way for you to cope with the rejection. You are not alone in feeling this way: A study conducted by the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that after a breakup about one third of people have slept with someone new within four weeks of that relationship ending. This may mask the pain, but it won’t eliminate it — proceed with caution.

5. Binge Drinking

A man drinking | Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Drinking to forget and drinking out of frustration — it’s all basic behavior associated with going through a trauma, and not being able to properly deal and/or want to deal with your emotions. According to an online survey by Men’s Health, over one-quarter of men go out binge drinking to ease their pain after a breakup. It is used as a quick fix, an easy way to feel better, and also having to avoid sharing your feelings with buddies. Don’t go overboard and be safe.

Amidst all these mistakes, the most full-proof tactic to heal from a breakup is time. Once you’ve gone though the mess, your coping with the breakup will make you realize how resilient you are.