6 Reasons People Stay in Bad Relationships (but Shouldn’t)
Though all couples have their fare share of arguments that can test both partners’ compromising skills, sometimes the odds just aren’t in their favor. Perhaps one person feels smothered while the other feels they’re not getting the attention they deserve. When an unhealthy situation reaches the point of no return, a lot of people would consider it unsalvageable and cut their losses. But not everyone. So, why is it some people never want to leave when the road gets too rocky to bear? Here are six reasons.
1. Low self-esteem
Sad woman | iStock.com
A person who values their self-worth isn’t afraid to speak up on their own behalf. They’re confident in standing up for themselves when they don’t agree with how another person is treating them. In a relationship, this skill comes in quite handy.
On the flip side, people who have low self-esteem may not be as likely to stand up for themselves in times of discontent. They may even be more likely to stay in unhappy relationships, according to research conducted by the University of Waterloo. The study found these people tend to keep quiet when it comes to relationship woes, as they fear the resulting rejection could wind up making them even more unhappy.
2. Fear of loneliness
Man sitting alone | iStock.com
Being alone and being lonely are two very different things. A person who doesn’t rely on another for their own happiness can be perfectly content on their own. A person who is lonely, however, is still searching for something, and likely needs to find happiness within themselves first. And this kind of fear — that of being lonely — can be paralyzing. In a Psychology Today article, Fredric Neuman, M.D., says a fear of loneliness can convince a person to stay in a bad marriage. He explains it’s most likely when they think their loneliness may continue indefinitely.
3. They think their partner will eventually change
Don’t expect your partner to change | iStock.com/nicoletaionescu
A lot of people have been here before. They tell themselves things will get better. She’ll learn to manage her temper or he’ll become more ambitious — eventually. Well, people who think like this definitely shouldn’t hold their breath. While people are capable of bettering themselves over time, it’s nothing to wait around for. A person will change only when they really want to. No one else can make that happen. A partner who sticks around in hopes the other person will one day change for the better doesn’t benefit either party.
4. Fear of being financially unstable
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When a person has been in a relationship long enough, financial issues often become a burden to both people. For some, part of being in a relationship means sharing everything equally. Whether it’s shared rent or their child’s college fund, the lines naturally become blurred. In a U.K.-based study conducted by Slater and Gordon Lawyers, 2,000 married people were surveyed about how their financial situation related to their marriage. The research showed one-fifth said they would end their marriage right now if they were sure of financial security in the future.
Yes, money problems are real, so it’s only natural to have concerns about a life post-relationship. But being stuck in a bad relationship, on the other hand, is far worse. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for the sake of cash flow. Instead, meet with a financial planner to go over your earnings, and to set realistic goals you’ll be able to reach on your own.
5. Ashamed to admit the relationship didn’t work
A person may stay in a bad relationship if they’re embarrassed to tell their family | iStock.com
There tends to be an element of defeat on some level when most relationships don’t pan out. For some, a breakup is akin to getting fired from a job, an admission of failure. Unfortunately, this feeling of shame can make things last much longer than they should. In Psychology Today, Richard B. Joelson writes it’s possible a person might be too embarrassed to face the consequences of a breakup, like having to explain to close friends and family why their relationship didn’t make it.
6. They don’t believe any relationship is successful
Angry couple | iStock.com
What forms a person’s idea of what makes for a good, or bad, relationship? Past relationships, home life as a child, or any number of environmental factors can all play a role. In the same Psychology Today story, Joelson writes, “It may be related to ideas developed early in life from observations of one’s family or difficulty knowing how to repair the inevitable bumps that occur in most (if not all) relationships.” If someone truly doesn’t believe that healthy, successful relationships exist in the first place, they’ll likely settle for anything sub-par.
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